Dark Nights of the Soul

I once heard a pastor talk about how we all have "dark nights of the soul". I didn't really know what he menat by that phrase. He was talking about how sometimes you come up agaisnt harsh realities of life that force you to cling to the cross. I feel like recently I have come to understand this phrase on a more personal level. I have been very blessed my entire life. I have had very few dark nights of the soul but I know that there are many more to come. Here is a dark day that I expereinced recently.

I have always loved basketall. I played growing up and always dreamed of playing in college. As a sophomore at Texas A&M the Lord opened a series of doors in my life that allowed me to be a wolk on that year. I played a year for the Aggies and then felt like the Lord was opening doors again and decided to transfer to a small school in California called Westmont. I heard about Westmont late in the summer, took a quick trip and didn't decide to withdraw from A&M until early August. It was truly a last minute decision. To be honest I didn't know alot about the school or the baksetball program but it has turned out to be a good place. A year and a half later I can say without a shadow of a doubt that this is the place good wanted me to be. But, there have been some struggles. Struggles adjusting to a new place, moving far away from friends and family but one of the biggest struggles has been disappointments realated to basketball. In some ways I have been incredibly blessed, I have been heathly and have played in way more games than I would have at A&M but things haven't turned out like I expected. I haven't played as much as I would have liked and sometimes even feel embarrased that I have had such great unmet expectations. The other night our team got a big win and I hardly played. I'm a captain and a senior yet I am at the end of the rotation. I came home and I was bummed. This wasn't the first time this had happened, it happened all last season and I was hoping that this year would be different. But it hasn't - only more of the same and I could tell it was beginning to ge to me. The reality was setting in that things might not change and I didn't know what to do that night. I didn't want to talk to my roommates, Hannah was on vacation with her family, I didn't want to go to bed, I really didn't know what to do, I was without hope. I was alone. This was a great moment for me. I wanted to throw in the towel but I decided to hang in there. That night I remembered a verse Hannah had told me about that says "His mercies are new every morning." I didn't want to go to bed because I didn' t fell that I had anything to wake up to but I remembered that tomorrow was a new day. I looked the verse up and found it in Lamentations. As it turns out all of lamentations chapter 3 and Psalms 42 (from church pastor) have been huge comforts for me. I recommend that you turn to these pages if you ever find yourself in a dark night of the soul.

It struck me yesterday in church as people reflected back on the year 2007 and as the pastor shared the deep grief she had been expereincing for over two years that the church is filled with people who have had many dark nights....and to think that I'm just getting started with mine. These words from the pastor stuck with me. She said, "God never promises to take away our problems, he promises to be there in the midst of them." I oftentimes wonder what it is about christianity that sets it apart. What makes being a Christian so great that somebody would want to give it a try. I used to think that Christians has a greater happiness that other people, sometimes people call it joy. Although there are big differences between happiness and joy and Christians do certainly have joy, I have also come to realize that Christians can sometimes be the people who struggle the most. God tells us in his word that we are guranteed struggles in this life. Now who wants to sign up for that? What I realized yesterday is that all people have struggles and problems and dark nights of the soul. Most of us will have lots in our lifetime and why some have fewer than others I don't know but what sets being a Christian about from every other walk of life is that you have comfort and peace in the midst of even the darkest nights. That's it! And as a young man who has been through one dark night and who is venturing into many more I can say that it is so good to have that peace because the peace that comes in knowing that his merceis are new every morning will sometime be all you have to wake up to.